Albus
by Blueshadows2010
Summary: Just something to take your mind off things. Takes place before and after all the books. Mostly Albus-centric. Finally the other author got a account, so this is a collaboration with theamericandude
1. Potter Wins!

Disclaimer: I do not own Albus Dumbledore, Rita Skeeter, Harry Potter, and anyting else in this story you are familiar with. : )

Oh yes one more thing this is a one-shot and very short!

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POTTER WINS!

_Nov. 2, 2006 _

_Written by Rita Skeeter_

According to recent reports, Harry Potter, the boy who destroyed He-Who-Must-

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD CALL HIM BY HIS DAMN NAME...LORD VOLDEMORT. HOW HARD IS IT TO SAY HIS NAME! SAY IT WITH ME PEOPLE LORD VOLD-E-MORT!" Albus Dumbeldore yelled at the Daily Prophet in his hands.

-Not-Be-Named when born and now being called The Chosen One,

"HE IS NOT THE CHOSEN ONE. I AM THE CHOSEN ONE! I AM NOT DEAD! I AM PERFECTLY ALIVE! J.K. ROWLING IS A LIAR." Dumbledore stated, well...er...yelled.

has recently won the Charming Smile Award from Which Witch Weekly. Perhaps we have another Gilderoy Lockhart with us

"HE IS NOT ANOTHER LOCKHART! HE DOESN'T HEX PEOPLE'S MEMORIES AND CLAIM THEY ARE HIS! BESIDES HARRY IS UGLIER THAN LOCKHART!", Dumbledore yelled yet again at the Daily Prophet.

Mr. Potter will receive his award in Diagon Alley on the third Wednesday from next week.

"WHAT? THAT LONG HARRY HAS TO WAIT! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! HE SHOULD GET IT NOW! I CAN'T READ ANYMORE OF THIS." shouted Dumbledore once again.

There was a knock on the door when he laid down the Daily Prophet on his desk.

"Yes," Dumbledore called from behind his desk.

"Sir, J.K. Rowling has arrived. She wants to see how you are doing with the rehearsal for your death in Book 6. Should I send her in?" said the voice.

"Yes, give me a minute to rehearse my dramatic death one last time," Dumbledore said cheerfully.

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Well what do you think? Uust a little one shot me and my cousin made up over myspace.


	2. Golden Trio

Another Random one-shot

Again I repeat I do not own Harry Potter, Rita Skeeter, or Albus Dumbledore.

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THE LIVES OF HARRY POTTER, RONALD WEASLEY, AND HERMIONE GRANGER!

BY: RITA SKEETER

"What kind of a title is that?" Previous headmaster Albus Dumbledore stated from inside his portrait.

Hello, I am Rita Skeeter and I am doing different interview with the Golden Trio-

"What kind of a name is the Golden Trio? I mean order of the Phoenix, now that was a great name!"

"SHUT UP!" The other portraits yelled at the still awaken headmaster.

"Stupid portraits." Dumbledore mumbled.

First let's start with The-Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter! He is now residing at Hogwarts as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Most children are amazed by him but scared as he has taken a route of Former D.A.D.A. teacher Professor Alastor Moody.

"He wasn't even a professor! It was an imposter!" Albus yelled, once again. "I swear the Daily Prophet is getting stupider everyday."

The Ministry of Magic is not doing anything about it on the fact that Harry Potter has rid us of the evil that has haunted us for years, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named!

"How many times must I tell you people, it is Lord Voldemort?"

"How many times do we have to tell you to SHUT UP?" The paintings yelled once again before going back to sleep.

Now let us go to our freckled friend of the Great Harry Potter, Ronald Wesley. Mr. Wesley is now seeker for the Chudley Cannons and has created a new move called "Kill the Spider"

Dumbledore tried to maintain his laughter as not to wake the portraits again.

He is now residing at his old home with his wife, Hermione Granger, and his three lovely, yet mischievous, children.

"It's about time those two got married." Dumbledore stated so loudly that the new headmistress, McGonagall came in the study with her wand rose high pointing at Dumbledore's picture.

"Albus please do not wake me up one more time with your annoying blabber or I will be forced to take the daily prophet away from you." Some of the portraits were encouraging her to do it now, but Minerva just shut the door.

"You heard her!" Dippet said, "Keep it quite."

"Alrighty then!"

Now let us go to the last of the three, Mrs. Hermione Granger Weasley, as you know she married the great Seeker, Ronald Weasley, looks like Mrs. Weasley still has a thing for Quidditch players

"Now you know why I forbid her from coming onto Castle Grounds." Dumbledore mumbled again to himself.

But of course those things are in the past, Mrs. Wealsey is a magical dentist, some call her Mrs. Tooth Fairy.

"Where do people come up with these names?"

There you have it my loyal readers, all in black and white, the Golden Trio after many years of defeating, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named-

At this Dumbledore exploded, "IT IS LORD VOLDEMORT!"

No one ever knew what happened that night when Minerva McGonagall yelled a very loud curse. And for every kid that goes in that office the question on their mind if, "Where did that big whole come from?"

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Yup that's it, I got bored and decided to put in another installment, tell me what you think.


	3. Death Scene

Chapter Three

The Death Scene

A/N: Truthfully I think I should have quit while I was on the first chapter. Anyways here is the third installment of my much-proclaimed (yet poorly known) story Potter Wins! (Title based on first chapter)

Disclaimer: Look in the first chapter!

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**July 17****th**** 2008**

"Now Dumbledore lets go over this one more time!" David Yates looked as the ageing man nodded his head. "Okay, everyone listen up! Severus is going to walk through that door approximately five minutes after Draco does." Everyone nodded their heads to show Yates that they understood. "Now Dumbledore," he turned his eyes to the man whistling innocently, "What are your lines?" Everyone paid close attention.

Sighing, Dumbledore spoke, "Severus please!" Everyone groaned. It wasn't that Dumbledore didn't get his lines right, on the contrary he memorized them faster than any of them. No it wasn't the lines being wrong, it was the tone he spoke them in.

Ever since J.K. Rowling ousted Dumbledore he's been getting back at her by talking like a gay man. Worst than that whenever he spoke to a man, well he get a little…sexual. Just like the "Severus please!". He sounded as if they were…well were having sex.

Severus and the rest of the male cast were getting a little uncomfortable.

"Dumbledore we've been over this! No one can know you are gay until after you die!" Yates yelled at Dumbledore ignored him…just like every other time.

"Well then little Miss JK should have waited until the movies were done before she decided to tell my biggest secret." With that Albus burst into fake tears.

"Can someone please go find JK so we can finish! I'm not getting any younger here!" Harry yelled in exasperation. "At the rate this film is going we may have to release the movie next year!" Gasps were heard from all around the room.

"Well we can't let that happen!" Hermione exclaimed as Ron and Neville went into hysterics.

"What evil person would do such a thing?!" They cried as they clutched on to one another, Ginny gently patting their backs in a soothing manner.

Soon Minerva returned with JK. "Aw Mrs. Rowling there you are!" Yates directed her to the statue that Dumbledore was hiding behind. "Could you please handle this?"

"Of course." Rowling crouched down to where she could see behind the statue. There sat the great Albus Dumbledore with a frown on his face and his arms crossed in a very childish like manner. "Now Albus what seems to be the problem."

Dumbledore turned his head the other way before muttering, "You are the problem."

JK sighed. Hours passed with the two talking, well with one talking while the other muttered insults, before Rowling had an idea. She whispered something into Albus's ear and he smiled like a child on Christmas.

**July 18****th**** 2008**

"Severus…please…" Dumbledore spoke softly, and Severus pointed his wand and a green light illuminated from it. Like a rag dog, Albus Dumbledore fell from the Astronomy Tower. Well not really, its Hollywood people!

"And…CUT!" Yates yelled before going over to help Dumbledore up off the ground. "That was great Albus."

"Why thank you!" All around people were shouting good jobs to the deceased Head Master.

"I have to ask though," Yates whispered bring him off to the side, "What made you take this role more seriously?" Albus smiled before whispering:

"I get to see Harry naked in the next film!" And Dumbledore skipped off with a big, and somewhat creepy, smile on his face.

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**A/N: This is what I get for being on Mugglespace for two hours talking to people! **

So tell me what you think! And be honest because no matter how many negative reviews I get I'm still putting up a next chapter on what the HP characters think about the HBP delay! 


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